


Enjolras, I love you.

by Javert24601



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-15 01:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1285987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Javert24601/pseuds/Javert24601
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are the only words Grantaire has never been able to say to Enjolras, however, Enjolras seemed to accept this, he knew the hard times Grantaire has been through. But lately Enjolras has been cold and distant, and seems to care more about the revolution than Grantaire. Can Grantaire figure out what's wrong? Will he ever get to say 'I love you'?</p><p>sounds like a cheesy rom-com I know, but give it a chance!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**  
"I love you," smiled Enjolras, Grantaire merely smiled back, but Enjolras understood, he knew he loved him. He just couldn't say it.  
Grantaire's parents never understood him. They were strict. They never once told him they loved him, or that they were proud of them. He never worked well in school either. Frankly, he didn't see the point, he didn't care for it, any of it, or anyone for that matter, he didn't want to be there. He had no friendship group, or girlfriend, no-one particularly liked him, but he didn't like himself either. That was until Mr Augustin came along.  
According to Grantaire's family, Mr Augustin used him, he had turned their son into a monster. But to Grantaire, Mr Augustin was a turning point in his life, he made Grantaire realise that he loved men, but of course his family weren't happy when they walked in on Mr Augustin 'helping' Grantaire to discover that; Grantaire never really saw much of him after that. His family resorted to 'beating' or 'forcing' the gay out of him, which of course, didn't work. This went on for about a year, until his family realised that forcing him to talk to women and beating him up when he didn't wasn't going to stop him being gay. Rather than accepting this he was kicked out onto the street, with no money, food, and only the clothes on his back. He never heard anything from them again.  
Grantaire began to drink. He drank to forget the memories of his father beating him. He drank in hope that he may become drunk enough to find women attractive and sometimes, he drank to pass out, and hoped he'd never wake up again.  
This went on for many years, he drank to live, and lived to drink. Bars opened and closed, and he went from one to next, earning his money through bets or scams. Until, one day, he was drinking in the ABC cafe, a man was giving a speech about france, and the revolution, but he did not care for it. A young man sitting near him hung on the man's every word, he watched in awe and talked to his friends passionately about the revolution. Grantaire could barely catch what he was saying but he spoke with such soul and passion, it reminded him of Mr Augustin, but they were now bitter memories.  
"VIVE LA FRANCE!" the young man cried, Grantaire snorted loudly.  
"Excuse me!?" exclaimed the young man.  
"Oh look at you, with such passion, you really think France will be free?" Grantaire laughed, "you'll be long dead before that happens!"  
"Listen here, you filthy drunkard-"  
"ENJOLRAS" his friend cried.  
"Enjolras," Grantaire smiled, "Well, I'll suppose I'll be seeing you around here a lot more often" and if only he knew how right he was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire gets to know Enjolras...

**Chapter 2**  
Grantaire began going to the ABC Cafe more often, and so did Enjolras. Enjolras began delivering speeches on the revolution, and Grantaire would watch and occasionally snort and make rude comments. Somehow it would always end up in a fight between the two of them, Enjolras would stand up on chairs and tables shouting "Vive la revolution!" and Grantaire would roll his eyes and talk about how we'd never win. Grantaire loved it, he had never felt so alive in years. He went there every night for the next few months. He went to escape the numbness he had been so used to for the past few years. But when the night was over, he stumbled to a back alley to sleep, and realised that the numbness was not gone, and no matter how much he argued with Enjolras it would never go away.  
One night, as Grantaire finally began to drift off to sleep, he was quickly awoken by Enjolras' surprisingly soft voice.  
"Grantaire?" He whispered, shaking him, "what are you doing here?"  
"Well, I was attempting to sleep."  
"In a back alley?" questioned Enjolras.  
"Obviously."  
"Why don't you go home?"  
"Don't be so patronizing." sighed Grantaire.  
"I wasn't being patronizing, I merely asked a question"  
"How did you find me?" asked Grantaire, suddenly realising that him and Enjolras were in a back alley together, in the middle of the night.  
"I left my coat at the Cafe, I tripped over you. Would you like me to take you home?" Grantaire didn't understand why he was being so nice to him.  
"I don't have a home," replied Grantaire.  
"Come to my home then."  
"I thought you hated me? I'm not going to join your revolution, if that's what you want."  
"No," Enjolras laughed, "as annoying as you are, I couldn't see you out on the street like this."  
Begrudgingly, Grantaire went with him. Enjolras lead him to a small house just around the corner from the cafe, as Grantaire went in he was surrounded by paintings and poetry supporting the revolution.  
"You're obsessed with this stuff aren't you? I don't know why you bother, you're just gonna end up dead like the rest of us," moaned Grantaire.  
"At least I'll die for a purpose!" Enjolras scoffed, and just like that they were, once again, arguing.  
This went on for several hours, until Enjolras finally asked, "why are you so numb? Why do you hate everything? What has happened to make you this angry?"  
Grantaire stopped.  
Not once has he told anyone about what went on in his past. But this, this was different, Enjolras was different, it felt right. Slowly Grantaire began to tell him the story, he felt the tears welling in his eyes. He had not cried since he was a boy, but now it had started he couldn't stop. Enjolras wiped the tears from his eyes, he looked at him like he understood. Finally, Grantaire saw Enjolras in a way he had never seen him before, he stared into his beautiful brown eyes, he wanted to hold him. to kiss him, but he couldn't.  
Enjolras stared into Grantaire's eyes, he leant in, as if about to whisper something, but there was only him and Grantaire around. Before he knew it, there lips were touching, they began to kiss. All Grantaire wanted to do was stay in that moment forever, but he couldn't because time moves on, whether we want it to or not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is quite a short one!  
> Grantaire is clean, and him and Enjolras' relationship is going strong.

**Chapter 3**  
"I love you," smiled Enjolras, Grantaire merely smiled back, but Enjolras understood, he knew he loved him. He just couldn't say it.  
Grantaire couldn't believe how fast everything went. It felt like only moments ago, when Enjolras took him away from that back alley. He was clean now, he didn't need alcohol to numb him, not now he had Enjolras.  
He couldn't believe it. He thought Enjolras would wake up the next day regretting what he had done, he thought he would kick him out of his house. But he didn't. He took him in, and cleaned him up.  
"I could stay in this moment with you all day" said Grantaire, kissing Enjolras on the forehead.  
"So could I," smiled Enjolras, "But I can't, I have to visit LaMarque, then I'm delivering a speech at the Cafe"  
"Oh, but I want you to stay with me," Grantaire pleaded, "it's our anniversary, can't I just have one day with you to myself?"  
"I'm sorry R," sighed Enjolras, "but the revolution doesn't stop for anyone, not even you"  
"I swear to God that bloody rebellion will kill you one day!"  
"How can you swear to God when you don't believe in him?" chuckled Enjolras.  
"Enj, you promised me you'd stop this, I don't want you to die because of this stupid rebellion." Grantaire pleaded.  
"You're right, I did promise you," Enjolras sighed "I'll just explain to Marius that I can't do it anymore, not if my life is in danger"  
"I'm sorry, I know it's important to you, it's just I don't think I'll survive if you left me."  
"I can still support it though, can't I? After all, it is my life's work"  
"Of course," smirked Grantaire "I'm not a dictator, you can still make decisions for yourself." Enjolras kissed Grantaire, "I love you, see you tonight."  
"See you tonight" said Grantaire, angry with himself for being unable to say three little words.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hours have came and gone, Enjolras is still not back. Grantaire's inner demons and worries are beginning to come back- will he make it until Enjolras comes back? Will Enjolras ever come back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fanfic I have ever written, so please give your feedback, and share with your friends!

**Chapter 4**  
Grantaire waited all day for Enjolras to get home. He had hoped that he would change his mind and not go at all, or at least leave early to come and see him, after all it was their anniversary, but sadly he didn't. The hours ticked by, and still there was no sign of Enjolras. Grantaire hated being alone, the house felt so empty, all he could he could hear was the quick beating of his heart and his short breaths. He felt the emptiness surrounding him, almost swallowing him whole, he hoped Enjolras would return soon, as the numbness was making a quick return and he felt his finger shaking, yearning, just for one drop of alcohol. He tried to distract himself but he couldn't escape from the little voice in his head, calling him a monster, a disgrace to his family,  _"Enjolras is using you"_  it whispered tauntingly. Grantaire shook his head, "No he isn't!" He cried.  
_"It's getting pretty late, he's probably having an affair,"_ the voice laughed,  _"wasn't he supposed be_ _quitting_ _that stupid rebellion anyway? Surely he would be back by now if he had?"_  
"Stop!" Exclaimed Grantaire, "STOP!" Before he knew it Grantaire had grabbed his coat and was heading to the door.  _I'll go to ABC Cafe,_ he thought to himself,  _Enjolras will probably be there._ But suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks,  _no I can't, what if he's not there? What if I just happen to see some alcohol? I can't control it if he's not around._ Grantaire closed the door and returned back to bed,  _I'm sure he'll be back soon_.  
Hours past, it was now well after midnight,  _where is he?_ Grantaire thought, as tears streamed down is face,  _what if he is having an affair? What if he didn't quit the rebellion? What if the- s_ uddenly, Grantaire's thoughts were interrupted- _Enjolras!_  
The door swung open, "where have you been?!" exclaimed Grantaire, looking at Enjolras' unusually pale face, he looked ashen.  
"A drunkard hit my head with a bottle while I was giving a speech, I had to go to the doctors." he said, his voice going croaky.  
"What? Are you alright?" Grantaire panicked.  
"I'm fine, R, calm down, I'm fine!"  
"You don't seem it. You're not yourself at all. I told you that bloody rebellion would hurt you! Did you tell Marius that you weren't going to do it anymore?"  
Enjolras sighed, "no, I didn't."  
"Well, why?" questioned Grantaire.  
"Because I've dedicated years to this! I'm not going to give it up at the drop of a hat!" shouted Enjolras harshly.  
"But- no, I'm not going to fight with you, you've had a long day, I'm sorry," Grantaire apologised, "we'll talk it about it when you're feeling better."  
"Thanks," said Enjolras relieved, "well, I think I'm going to go to sleep now." He sat on the side of the bed and began to loosen his boots, Grantaire went to the opposite side of the bed to him, and looked over at him longingly. "You know it's our anniversary, and I've barely seen you all day..." Grantaire sighed.  
"I'm sorry," he said, not taking his eyes off his boots "I'll make it up to you, I'll take you out tomorrow or something."  
Grantaire leaned over, and began to caress Enjolras' shoulder, "well, you could make it up to me now..." He whispered into his ear.  
"Not tonight R." Enjolras shrugged his shoulders, pushing Grantaire away, "I'm too tired."   
"Oh, well, ok." muttered Grantaire, and with that Enjolras turned the light off and got into bed, "erm, Enj, I-er-really missed you tonight."  
"Yeah, erm, me too" Enjolras grunted.  
 _"I told you he was having an affair"_ laughed the little voice in Grantaire's head. Grantaire shuddered, never once had he hear the voice when Enjolras was there. He shook his head,  _no he can't be,_ he told himself,  _he loves you, he said so this morning! He's just tired that's all, he'll better tomorrow,_ Grantaire reassured himself,  _it will be fine_. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras is not himself. Grantaire want's him to stop being involved in the revolution and things take a turn for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the good comments! I'll update as often as possible.

**Chapter 5**  
Grantaire didn't sleep that night. Everytime he closed his eyes the voice became louder. He was scared; Scared that he would wake up and Enjolras would be gone. He looked at Enjolras sleep with ease, he stared at his perfect jaw bone, his clear skin. How he longed for him to awake, so he could touch him, and be with him. Enjolras barely moved all night, apart from the occasional coughing, Grantaire almost felt jealous at the fact he was having such a good night's sleep when he wasn't.  
At around ten o'clock Enjolras began to stir.  
"Morning," Grantaire whispered, "feeling any better?"  
"I'm fine," Enjolras grunted.   
Grantaire rolled his eyes, "Listen, I know last night must have been hard on you, but I've planned a lovely romantic day for us both," he smiled.  
"What time is it?"   
Grantaire's smile faded, "well, it's half 10 but did you hear what I just-"  
"I'm late! Why didn't you wake me earlier?" cried Enjolras.  
"Late for what? You're not going to help with that stupid rebellion are you?" Grantaire said, his voice beginning to rise with anger.  
"Stupid?" Enjolras shouted, "I've dedicated my whole life to this! I'm not dropping it all for a petty drunkard who doesn't understand it in the least!"  
Grantaire felt like he had just took a dagger to the heart. This wasn't Enjolras, and although he used to enjoy irritating him, he was beginning to scare him. "What happened to make you like this? I'm looking out for you. A drunkard threw a bottle at your head the other night for Christ's sake! I just want you to be safe."  
Enjolras let out a deep sigh, "I can't give up on this and the fact you're trying to make me just shows me, you don't love me. You never have."  
"But.." He tried, but he couldn't, "Enjolras!"  
"Look. you can't even say it now."  
"But you know why I can't," pleaded Grantaire.  
"If you loved me, you'd let me do this."  
"I can't."  
Enjolras' face fell, "Then I can't be with you anymore."  
Grantaire was in shock, his whole world had came tumbling down in a matter of seconds.  
"You can keep the house," said Enjolras, "I wouldn't leave you on the streets like that."  
"No." snapped Grantaire, trying to cover up the fact he was about to cry. "I don't wanna stay here, too many memories. I'll be gone by the time you get back."  
"Listen Grantaire, I know it's hard for you to swallow your pride, but I insist, I've bought another place, above the cafe," Enjolras said, concerned, "I'll pick up my belongings tonight." And with that, he left.  
Grantaire nipped his skin. He couldn't believe this was happening. His state of shock turned to confusion and then anger.  _Why would he do that? That's not like him at all. There must be something the matter. No-one can have a personality change that quickly. Unless he's had this planned for a while now. Afterall, he did have a new house already. Well fuck him anyway. Why should I bother? If he cares about a rebellion more than me._  Grantaire began to look around, _everywhere I turn, his things are there, his face, memories.  I'm not staying here. No way, no how. I'd rather live on the streets._  
He began to look around, deciding what to pack,  _none of this is actually mine,_ he thought to himself,  _he paid for it, all of it._ He dug around in the bottom of his wardrobes to find the only raggedy pair of clothes he truly owned, the ones that had been with him through all the drinking. The voice was beginning to come back, taunting him, mocking him, in the form of Enjolras. Before he knew it he was at the nearest bar, drinking his pain and sorrows away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire is back to drinking his life away, but to his surprise, finds an old friend,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in so long but I've been so busy, please leave some feedback!

**Chapter 6**

The next few days were a blur. All Grantaire seemed to remember was stumbling into the nearest bar and before he knew it a week had past, and all his money was gone.  
"It's about time you left," said the large, bear-like man behind the bar.  
"No, no, I'm fine," Grantaire slurred, "now pour me another one!" The man obeyed, and held out his hand impatiently, as he awaited his money. Grantaire stared nervously at his hand, he had no money left, and the bartender probably knew that; After all, he hadn't left this spot for the past few days, and he was a few pennies short on his last bottle of wine. Panicking, he began to look through his pockets, "I have some money...somewhere" he smiled at the big burly man.   
"No, you don't" He replied sternly. "Go on now, leave. I can't afford to have your sort hanging about here."  
But he couldn't leave he had nowhere to go, and that shot of whisky was just calling his name. "Fine. I'll leave! I don't want to hang around illiterate fools like you anyway."  
The bartender snorted, "I'd rather be illiterate than in the state you're in, now, off you go." In a moment of foolishness Grantaire leaned over and downed the shot of whisky, and attempted to make a getaway. However, he barely reached the door before was stopped by the tall, broad bartender and his equally tall and broad brother, he quickly shut his eyes and braced himself.  
"Grantaire, is that you?" Grantaire slowly opened his eyes, and there, standing before him, was Marius Pontmercy.  
  
Marius was the only friend of Enjolras' that Grantaire had ever met, which is surprising considering Enjolras couldn't stand him.   
"He's just intolerable" Enjolras moaned one day.  
"He can't be that bad,"Grantaire replied.  
"Oh trust me, he his. He is a rich little spoilt brat, I mean, his grandfather is one of the people we're fighting against!"  
"Just because his grandfather is bad doesn't me he is though."  
"Will you stop defending him?" asked Enjolras, irritated, "I mean, he may not be like his grandfather but I don't think he really supports the cause, I feel like he's just doing it to be 'rebellious'"  
"Well, surely that's the point of a rebellion?"   
Enjolras rolled his eyes, "well... you know what I meant."  
  
"What's going on here?" quizzed Marius.  
"This drunkard reckons he can get away without paying for his drinks," the bartender said bitterly, "and me and Sent from my iPhone  
"Oh, well there's no need for that," Marius said, looking at the bartender nervously. "I'll just cover the costs, and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened, yes?"  
The bartender looked at him suspiciously for a moment, "Fine," he grunted. Marius handed over the money, and gave him a little bit extra 'for his troubles.'  
"Why did you do that for me?" Grantaire asked.  
"Well we're friends, aren't we?" smiled Marius, "I couldn't see a friend in trouble."

Grantaire began to think back to the day him and Marius met. He had begged Enjolras for months to allow him to meet his friends.  
"Come on, Enj!" He pleaded.  
"I've told you, no"  
"Stop being so stubborn. I don't see what the problem is."  
"Listen, R, I love you, I really do, but I just don't think..." Enjolras stopped mid-sentence.  
"You're ashamed of me, aren't you?"  
"No! I just don't want to jeopardise my position, as leader of this revolution. None of them know about me...you know..."  
"Liking men?"  
"Yes," Enjolras sighed, "and I'm afraid if they found out now, they wouldn't take me seriously, and I've come this far. I'm sorry."  
"It's fine, I understand" Grantaire smiled, "But, if they don't like who you are they're not very good friends, are they?"

  
A few weeks later, Grantaire was in the house on his own. Enjolras had left something at the cafe and promised him he wouldn't long. Grantaire sat painting, which was a passion of his that he had recently rediscovered, awaiting Enjolras' return, when all of a sudden, his thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open hastily.  
"Hello, anybody home?" the voice called.  
"Hello?"   
"Ah! Enjolras you left this at-" the young man abruptly stopped as he realized, this certainly wasn't Enjolras. "oh, my apologies! I've clearly got the wrong house, I was certain this was the right one, I have been here before, and maybe I shouldn't of just welcomed myself in that was very rude of me, I am very sorry." he squirmed. "I best be going."  
"Oh, actually, Enjolras does live here, I'm his room mate, Grantaire."  
"Room mate? I certainly don't remember him mentioning you..."  
"And you are?" Grantaire interrupted, not wanting Marius to make any unwanted assumptions.   
"Oh, yes of course, how rude of me just barging into your house, not even bothering to tell you my name." Grantaire raised his eyebrow, he certainly was a talker. "It's Marius. Marius Pontmercy."  
"Can't say I've heard of you either," Grantaire lied.  
"Well, I should be going, if you could just give this to Enjolras-" Marius was interrupted by the swinging open of the door.  
"I'm back!" Enjolras shouted, "Couldn't find my coat anywhere though. I bet some..." His voice trailed off into silence as he entered the room, and was greeted by Marius and his boyfriend.  
"Shit." Enjolras exclaimed, "he knows doesn't he?"  
"What?" Marius quizzed.  
"Well he didn't until you came in," Grantaire sighed.  
Marius looked at the both of them, confused. They could see his little brain trying hard to fit the pieces together, until finally, "Enjolras? And you?"  
"Yes and what of it?" snapped Enjolras.  
"Well, nothing. I just didn't think Enjolras was capable of loving anything other than France"  
"I sometimes think that too," Grantaire laughed.  
Both Grantaire and Marius laughed together, however Enjolras stayed deadly serious.  
"Well I suppose you plan on telling everyone then." said Enjolras dryly.  
"Not if you don't want me too," Marius smiled.  
Enjolras was rather taken aback, "are you not disgusted?"  
"Why would I be?" questioned Marius.  
"I don't know I just figured you would like people who are like me"   
"Enjolras, have you met half of our friends?"   
"What are you suggesting?"  
"Well they're not exactly the most heterosexual group of people are they?" Marius laughed. "I'm just saying, I doubt any of them would judge you for this."   
"I suppose you're right," smirked Enjolras.  
"I best be going, it was nice meeting you Grantaire, hopefully we will meet again soon," smiled Marius, "I have a feeling we'll be good friends."

"Grantaire?" Marius said, interrupting Grantaire's thoughts.  
"Oh, sorry, I drifted off there for a moment."  
"I tell you what, come with me, I'll take you to the cafe and get you a place to stay, alright?"   
"I'm fine," Grantaire insisted, "I don't know why you're trying to help me."  
"Because I'm your friend Grantaire," exclaimed Marius, "let me help you."  
Grantaire gave in, and allowed Marius to help him get back on his feet, mainly because he'd never really had a friend before, other than Enjolras of course, but that was different. Frankly, he was glad Marius had found him, although he liked to pretend he didn't care about life or how he turned out, he did really, and afterall, this could be his chance to get Enjolras back.


End file.
